I’m sitting out in the middle of a freshly harvested cornfield on a warm July summer night. The aroma of fresh dirt, raw corn and rain engulf my senses. Rain descends down all around me. It’s not coming down very hard, just a light drizzle. Pygmy drops of mist fall on my lashes and roll off the ends, bending the fine hairs down like drops of dew rolling off a leaf. I know that it’s raining but I don’t let it bother me. I never do when I am here. When it rains, it’s the only time I come to this place. This deserted cornfield that has been wiped out by the farmers for the harvest. I come here to cry and remember the times I was here with him. He brought me here; it hasn’t been that long ago, just a few months now. I remember the first time like the night has just now ended. He told me I would never see stars like his anywhere in the world. He was right, I haven’t and I don’t think I can ever look up into the stars anywhere else. I glance up at the sky and gaze at the “luminous diamonds” as he put it. When I am here, I watch them glisten. It hurts so much… it’s so hard, it's unbearable at times. I can feel the ache in my chest start to build. My heart, if that’s what you can call what is left, is so bruised. If it could be seen the colors would be black, blue and purple. The double knots in my throat constrict shutting off my air supply, I can’t breath. I don’t release the tears or the sobs until the thunder starts to boom and the rain comes down in heavy sheets. Why do you ask? I don’t let it come out because I don’t want him to hear or see me, wherever he is now. He can’t hear me as I cry and call for him through the thunder. He can’t see the tears roll out of the corner of my eyes and fall down the sides of my face through the sheets of rain. I hide it all from him.
No comments:
Post a Comment